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  Frowning, I reached out to ruffle his hair. “Assholes.”

  “Kids are awful,” he agreed, grinning. One thing about David that I loved was how huggable and touchy he was. Me and Stephanie were super affectionate, and it never fazed him. “But forget about me, keep talking. Raymond always knew he was into guys. He said he was just too lazy to hook up with one.”

  I spluttered out a laugh. “Uh, yeah, sounds like him. But for me, I never had a huge urge to try to bone a guy. I just noticed them.” I swiped my hand under my hat again, cringing when it came back damp with sweat. “Anyway, it’s not like I can blame my lack of investment in relationships with women on some low-key desire to only be with dudes. Until recently, I never considered the idea with any seriousness. Like, there was no one I looked at and said, ‘Wow, I want to date them.’ You feel me?”

  “Right,” David said, nodding. “Kinda heteroflexible, then?”

  “Yeah, more or less. And I only know what that means because I went hunting down variations of queer labels after my second roll in the bed with Jace and Aiden. Obviously hetero didn’t apply to me as much as I thought it did. Or curious. But now that I know I’m for sure into guys, I don’t know if heteroflexible works.”

  “You could just go with queer. Plenty of people think that works best for them.”

  I’d never thought of that, and the suggestion was grounding. After realizing I wasn’t straight, I’d felt pressure to pick a label that would define me, but none of them had felt quite right.

  “This convo is surreal, D. Those two got me so fucked up. Not just because I had to sit around and think about my bisexuality, but because that’s when all this morose shit started. That’s why I hooked up with that other couple even though it was weird.”

  David hummed a bit. “Was it that . . . good?”

  Aiden grabbed a handful of my hair from behind and jerked my head back so he could rumble in my ear. “Tell me you like it.”

  “Bro, I fucking love it.”

  He kissed my ear, then the side of my face, and back up again, all while steadily rocking against my hip. “I’m about to fill you up, so show me what that ass can do.”

  “Yes,” Jace hissed. “That’s what I want to see.”

  Aiden pushed my face away from him and grabbed my shoulders. He started in on me hard from the start, powering through and obliterating my nerves, as I panted open-mouthed and pushed back on him.

  It wasn’t enough.

  I wound up riding back onto his dick with such force that his hips slapped against my ass loudly in the silent room. He stopped gripping my shoulders in favor of grabbing my hips.

  “Oh yeah,” he said breathlessly. “Just like that, Chris.”

  I managed to keep the ass-clapping rhythm until Jace reached beneath me and started again with the earth-shattering handjob. Jesus Christ, they were trying to kill me.

  “I’m—”

  I didn’t even get the word out before my orgasm tore through me like a storm—lighting me up with bolts of pleasure that whited out my vision. Aiden shoved my head down and went harder, his pace punishing, until he rammed in as far as he could go and came with a shout.

  “Uh. Yeah. Oddly, some of the best sex I’ve ever had in my life has been during threesomes,” I admitted. “Which, I know that’s weird for you to know since some of those were years ago with Steph and Ray, but it’s true. There’s just something really dope about sharing intimacy that way. Being that close to two other people at the same time is like being in the best fucking sandwich ever. All the giving and taking and giving . . .” I glanced over at David and cringed at his raised eyebrows. “Yeah, I’m going overboard.”

  He laughed and waved his hands. “No way. I’m just surprised, I guess. You sound super poly for someone who only ever had dreams of a nuclear family.”

  “Tell me about it. But I guess I only ever assumed I’d have a nuclear family because I come from a Catholic-as-fuck PR family. There weren’t any other options presented until recently.” I gave my head one last thud for good measure, then peeked at him from beneath the bill of my cap. “Can you give me some sage dating advice to help me out here?”

  David snorted out a laugh, his eyes crinkling. “You want advice from me? Dude. I’ve been with Ray for almost three years this coming fall, and I am still a ball of jealous rage anytime anyone looks at him twice.”

  “Because you’re a little blond territorial grizzly bear,” I said, snickering.

  “‘Little’! Excuse you, sir. I am taller than you.”

  I flipped him off without denying it. Mendez folk rarely topped out any higher than five foot eight, and I’d owned that years ago.

  “Just give me advice,” I pressed. “You may be possessive as fuck, but you got my growly, mean-mugging, apathetic bastard bestie to fall in super-sappy love with you, so you must know some tricks to the trade.”

  “I don’t though,” he said. “I mean, I get what you’re saying. I’ve been there. When I was with Caleb, we stayed together only because we thought it made sense, but we didn’t have chemistry. It was obvious it was never going to go anywhere.” David bit his lip, brows shooting together like they often did when he discussed his past relationship. “And unlike you, who doesn’t keep pushing it once you realize a relationship isn’t going anywhere, we tried to force it, until we were both miserable.”

  “Then you met Ray,” I said, smiling.

  David’s face lit up. “Yes. Then I met Ray. And with him . . . I don’t know. Whenever I thought about who made me feel happiest, most at home, most wanted, it was his face that came to mind. When we were together, it felt right. And I would imagine a future where we were always together, and that would feel right too.”

  Every word he said pinged in my brain and brought back memories of my trysts with the Fairbairns. We’d only been together a handful of times since meeting at the photoshoot last summer, but each and every one was ingrained in my mind. The way Jace would greet me with a hug and a shy smile, while Aiden looked on happily before kissing us in turn. Lying in bed wrapped up with them while UFC played in the background, Jace asking me questions while Aiden ordered takeout on his phone. The overwhelming feeling of being desired by both and being included in their world every time they’d pleaded with me to spend the night. How easily we’d fallen into a pattern of work and play the couple of times I’d spent the weekend with them. Aiden was often preoccupied with his job even on days he was supposed to have off, but there was never any tension about it when we were all together.

  It had been eerie how quickly my brain had supplied images of myself with them for the long term. Me making dinner with Jace after work as we waited for Aiden to stumble home from his increasingly long days at QFindr—the start-up for the queer dating app he’d created with his half brother Caleb and Caleb’s boyfriend Oli—then us all unwinding together in front of the TV or with some beer while we shared stories about our days. No one ever feeling left out or forgotten or alone, just three dudes filling all the empty spaces left behind when there had only been two.

  It had been so easy to imagine, but it was just a dream. Even though I’d clicked with them in that instant, magical way I so rarely clicked with anyone, I seemed to be the only one imagining that there’d someday be more than sex. It had taken a couple of months for me to catch on, but then I’d realized we weren’t going on dates. I wasn’t included in this huge life they had. And they still fucked other people. Regularly.

  I’d always known they were open, but part of me had hoped maybe they’d . . . call me if they wanted a third. That was the moment when I’d checked myself and started pulling further and further away.

  “You’re thinking about Jace and Aiden?”

  I nodded, scowling.

  David studied me, his pale-blond hair a golden halo in the late-evening sunlight streaming through the window. It was easy to see why Raymond had fallen for him when he was like this—thoughtful and quiet and trying to think of the best way to help without
pushing too hard. On instinct, I bopped his nose. He smiled.

  “Can I ask how the hell you got mixed up with those two?”

  I fell back against the wall with a huff, thinking about the previous summer. It seemed like a lifetime ago when Raymond had approached me, Steph, and Tonya about the idea of modeling for the QFindr promotional campaign. He’d been so pumped about the plan—for the money and because he was finally owning his sexuality. His relationship. His entire self. Part of me had felt the same, even though I’d still been so confused about what I’d wanted from a relationship. Though some of that confusion had faded as soon as a set of laser eyes had focused on me . . .

  “Jace,” I said with a fond smile. “He latched on to me at the QFindr shoot like a kid who’d just found a new toy. He had no idea if I was straight or queer, but he teased and flirted and propositioned, and I think he really enjoyed the fact that I joked along instead of getting all freaked out and panicky, you know? Except, then I realized he wasn’t joking, and we started texting, then he added Aiden into a group text, and I realized I really fucking liked talking to them both . . .”

  David was nodding, his big brown eyes so wide that he looked like one of those Precious Moments dolls. I nudged him.

  “Keep going,” he urged. “This is good shit.”

  “Not really.” I snorted. “We scheduled a hangout and rescheduled a bunch of times before I finally agreed to go chill with them. Because, like, part of me knew they wanted to fuck, and part of me was still trying to pretend we were just gonna kick it and watch the fight.”

  “And you fucked,” David said helpfully.

  “We did both, actually. Had bomb sex, watched the fights, ate dinner, fucked some more.” I could feel my face warming as I said the words, which was weird because I wasn’t exactly a shy dude, but I’d never discussed sex with David before. It was sort of like admitting to a close relative that I watched hard-core gangbang porn. “Uh, anyways, it was weird because . . . I could feel myself getting too attached in that one weekend. Legitimately daydreaming about how dope it would be to feel that content and wanted on the regular, and those thoughts intensified after I hooked up with them a second time. But they’re still open, and sleeping with other people, so I backed off because it bothered me. It’s not like I was going to ask them to change their relationship and lifestyle for some dude they’d fucked a couple of times.”

  David cringed. “Chris, you don’t know if that’s all they think of you.”

  “But I don’t know that it’s not, either. They never said anything different. Most of all, they never dialed my number instead of going to Liberty X to hit up a sex party. So . . .”

  He cringed deeper. “Did you tell either of them you had feelings for them beyond sex?”

  “Fuck no. Not everyone is like me and catches feelings after a couple of rolls in the bed.” My face burned as I said it, but I knew David wouldn’t judge me. “Besides, after a lifetime of growing up and being rejected for other people—namely Ray and Angel—I’ve learned to cut my losses and run.”

  David looked so bummed out for me that I pinched his cheek in the hopes I’d get a smile. He did so reluctantly. “You kept seeing them sometimes, though. Why didn’t you tell them then?”

  “Because it was only whenever we happened to see each other at a QFindr event or at a party.”

  “Like Caleb and Oli’s party around the holidays?” David asked dryly. “When Raymond confronted Aiden like an angry dad?”

  I bobbed my head. “Yup. That was embarrassing.”

  “It was ridiculous. Raymond is so overprotective.”

  “Yeah, but it’s because he’s known since we were kids how sensitive I am about dating.” Still though, I’d been pissed at Raymond after hearing the story of him cornering Aiden and getting in his face. Apparently, he’d demanded what Aiden’s intentions were toward me, and Aiden had avoided answering. Probably because he’d had no real intentions other than blowing my socks off in a coatroom. “And it’s not like Aiden had some impressive answer for him.”

  “Yeah, but that could be because Raymond literally threatened to punch him. I had to drag them apart.” David shook his head and rolled his eyes. “So, that’s why you’ve been so moody for the last . . . three months?”

  “Yup,” I said, popping the p. “I’m just tired of being single, man. Since I was a kid, I’d crush hard for one person and then mope for ages when it turned out to be only on my end, then give up and angst. I have a romantic heart, D.”

  David gave me a high five. “You and me both. But, just so I’m clear, you never plan to tell Jace and Aiden that you have feelings for them? Ever?”

  I shook my head, going for a light tone even though my gut coiled. “Not unless something changes. I try to avoid crushing rejection whenever possible. But even if they did also have feelings for me, I can’t handle being in an open relationship. My self-esteem would drop lower than it already is, my guy.”

  David sighed slowly. “Yeah, I get it. I’m not secure enough for that kind of relationship arrangement either, even though I am in total awe of people who are.”

  “Same, but I’m too old to go along with some shit I know would end with hurt feelings and drama. There’s zero point. I can be with two people, but I can’t be with two people who also want to have casual sex with . . . other people.”

  “I understand.” David reached over to pat my leg, looking fretful and sad for me and the throuple that would never happen. “So, what are you going to do? From what I’ve heard from Steph, Jace gets swoony when he talks about you.”

  “He talks about me with her?” The question came out fast and probably reeked of boyish desperation, but it had never occurred to me that they’d discuss me with other people. Not in a “swoony” way. “What did he say?”

  David smiled. “I don’t know the details, but she was surprised at how smitten he seemed when he talked about wanting to get you in bed again.”

  The knowledge warmed me. My entire adolescence and adulthood had been full of incidences where people passed me over for my taller, buffer, or hotter friends, but Jace and Aiden had not been shy or subtle about their desire for me. It was nice to know it persisted. Too bad it apparently only went back to us going to bed together.

  Maybe he got swoony talking about us having sex again, but I got swoony thinking about his big dark eyes and the way they lit up whenever he was entranced by a book. Because that was a thing he did—read when he thought everyone else was sleeping. Sometimes I thought he didn’t sleep much at all.

  “Maybe I’ll stop actively avoiding them and see where things go, but I’m not going to set my hopes on them to find my brand of domestic bliss.” I waved my hand vaguely. “Uh, whatever that brand is.”

  David nodded, but he looked so sad for me that I wanted to smack myself in the head. Way to bring the whole party down.

  “You fuckers done being emo?” Raymond called from the bottom of the stairs. “Because it’s like two thousand degrees in this kitchen, and I’ll be damned if I slave over this sauce by myself.”

  David and I looked at each other with matching smirks before rising with identical sighs.

  “I’m coming, drama queen,” he shouted down.

  “I’ll help,” I offered. “Cooking is superior to trying to upgrade his crappy computer in this hot-ass room. Why is it so hot in March, anyway?”

  David groaned and headed to the door. “Global warming? It sucks balls. This place is like a furnace in the summer, so I’m dreading summer if spring is already this fucking hot. Not to mention that weird stuff always happens during heat waves in this city. I guarantee the next few weeks will be full of drama.”

  I sure as hell hoped not. The only way to get out of my funk was to go back to basics and enjoy the parts of my life that made me happy without complications: computers, UFC, and car rides with my windows down and music up. Anything more complex needed to take a back seat for now.

  I got the message as soon as we sat dow
n to eat. One ping, then two, then three steady chirps of my phone indicating someone was trying to contact me with the quickness.

  “Who dat?” Raymond asked around a mouthful of spaghetti. He hadn’t inquired about my mini meltdown after seeing him love on his guy, and he probably never would. He knew I’d let him in on the details if I wanted him to have them. “Tell them to fuck off during dinner.”

  “You sound like your mother,” I informed him, grinning. “She was so pissed that cell phones were a thing when we were kids. She’d make a big pot of arroz con pollo, and then we sat there glued to our shit while stuffing food down our throats.”

  Raymond smiled, and his gaze flicked to the wall before going back to his plate. They’d left up one of the ornate wooden etchings she’d brought back from Puerto Rico one summer. In exchange, they’d taken down the dozens of crosses.

  “We need to invest in a better cooling system,” David grumbled. He’d sat back from his plate to fan himself. “We don’t have a window unit for every room, and it’s so expensive . . .”

  They launched into a debate over fans versus window units, and the magic of central air, which was a rare find in NYC, while I slipped my phone from my pocket. Caleb Stone’s name glared up at me.

  Huh.

  Caleb: Hey Christopher.

  Caleb: I know you worked with us on the QFindr photoshoot, but I’m afraid we’re in a bit of a pickle right now, and I might need to hire you for something other than how photogenic you are.

  Caleb: I heard you’re an IT wizard.

  Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Another fucker trying to use me for my mad computer skills? Although, he’d said hire . . .

  Chris: Sure. What happened?

  Caleb: This heat wave is killing us. We had a power surge, and I think the server racks we keep for the office are fried. The shared hard drives seem corrupted, and everything is a mess. Is it possible to restore the data? We had source code stored there.

  Chris: You didn’t also have it in the cloud?